Stuck in Love, Manifest, and a Shared Vision

Stuck in Love, Teammate, What We Lack, On Manifesting, Shared Vision

I.

Stuck in Love

What does it mean to be “lost in love?” Isn’t it true that being lost – even if the place you’re lost in is called love – is technically a bad thing? I think so.

I’ve found myself lost in love before, entangled with a man who captivated me with his acoustic guitar, free spirit, and inherited wealth at a time when I felt trapped between a rock and a hard place. Fresh out of college and uncertain about my future steps, I chose to navigate a heart-shaped corn maze instead of facing the essential challenges required to evolve into the next version of myself.

Using “love” as an escape or a crutch is tempting. The honeymoon phase of a relationship poses an ideal opportunity to disregard one’s future and remain fixated on the present – a paradox given the cliché advice about “being present” and “living in the moment.” However, being stuck differs from being present. Presence involves being consciously aware of the path you’re on and intentionally choosing to appreciate the ordinary moments along the way. In contrast, being stuck entails an attempt to postpone or evade the inevitable challenges ahead, opting for a vicious cycle of the “same old” over confronting impending obstacles.

Within the cycle of being stuck, we employ another person (or a situation such as a dead-end job) as an anchor to keep us in one place, evading the tough decisions required to shape a future. In this scenario, we focus entirely on another person and the immediate activities we can share with them. We steady our gaze on their unchanging eyes, longing for the enduring nature of a transient moment instead of entwining our hands and collectively facing an uncertain and challenging future.

True love goes beyond preserving a particular moment; it involves striving for common goals and backing collective efforts to achieve them jointly. It involves acknowledging that your partner will encounter distinct challenges, and it entails patience and encouragement to help them tread forward, rather than forging ahead solo. Love is about crossing the finish line together, not merely sharing a Friday night date on the bleachers.

II.

Teammate

A key question to ask when assessing a potential life partner is: Do the qualities of this person align with what I desire to have more of in my life? To address this, self-awareness is crucial; you must understand what you bring to the table and what you lack. Given that you’ll naturally adopt traits from your partner, it’s prudent to select someone who possesses the qualities you aspire to cultivate for yourself.

We aren’t talking solely about physical attributes here; qualities like money, status, skills, and looks are transient. What matters are intangible qualities. Can you and your partner complement each other’s shortcomings? Is your partner communicative while you’re more reserved? Are they visionary while you’re pragmatic?

There’s a belief that falling for someone significantly different can lead to conflict and misunderstanding, which may be true initially. However, as a relationship matures (if it ever does...), mutual respect develops for the partner who excels in areas where you may fall short. You begin recognizing how their strengths compensate for your weaknesses and vice versa. Over time, you’ll realize that contrasting qualities make you a formidable team. And life becomes much easier with a great teammate.

III.   

What We Lack 

Our choices show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Adapted from J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

We’re not here to be idle; we’re here to build and create. As highly capable beings, we’ve crafted marvels like the steam engine, the computer, and New York City. Our creativity has given rise to epic works of literature such as the Iliad and The Lord of the Rings, as well as breathtaking artworks like the Mona Lisa and Starry Night. We can organize ourselves into rotary clubs, corporations, or even countries.

Actualizing endeavors such as these, however, demands hard work. The prospect of getting started can be overwhelming, leading us to procrastinate with trivial tasks instead of making progress on what truly matters in our lives. We avoid using our gifts, conform to the crowd, and contribute to others’ dreams instead of pursuing our own.

Blaming external factors – social structures, the economy, others, or time– becomes a common excuse for our lack of effort. But effort comes from within; it’s independent of external circumstances. If there’s a will to do something, there’s always a way. We don’t lack any “thing” in particular. There’s no extenuating circumstance holding us back from realizing our human potential. What we lack is the understanding of our own willpower and the desire to do remarkable things with our one and only life.

IV.   

On Manifesting

If you’ve spent time in the self-help space, you’ve likely come across the concept of manifesting. When you first hear about it, it sounds hokey and pseudoscientific. But after time, you start to see some truth in the whole “thoughts become things” one-liner. Then, after watching The Secret and experimenting with vision boards and scripting, you start to realize that this whole manifesting might just be legitimate, but not in the way that most people think.

Manifesting is the process of transforming a thought-form into a physical thing. Allow me to explain further.

Thoughts

Everything we desire to materialize (i.e., become material) originates as a thought. While thoughts lack a physical presence, we still acknowledge their existence. One could say they exist as thought-forms on the mental plane, accessible only to our minds rather than our physical senses.

Things

Our bodies, however, exist on the physical plane, where we interact with tangible objects. Here, we touch, build, and purchase things, acknowledging the existence of physical objects using our senses.

Thoughts → Things

For something to be created, it must first exist as a thought-form. Every creation - from languages to iPhones, the Great Wall of China to democracy - began as a thought. In essence, nothing in the physical world exists without first originating in thought-form. Even in the book of Genesis, God created everything as He thought it should be. Nothing in the physical world arrives here thoughtlessly.

Manifesting, however, isn’t an automatic thought process. While all thoughts have the potential to materialize, they require significant physical energy to transition from the mental to the physical plane. Only those thoughts we focus our attention and energy on stand a chance of becoming tangible. Manifesting goes beyond mere daydreaming; it requires hands-on construction. Derived from the Latin root manus, meaning “hands,” the word itself signifies that manifestation involves not only thinking but also creating.

V.   

Shared Vision

Last year, my sister faced the formidable decision of calling off her wedding to a man stuck in love with her (i.e., using their relationship to escape reality). Throughout their time together, she consistently embraced new challenges and responsibilities, becoming a better version of herself. She pursued a vision that she conceived for both of them. Throughout their years of dating, she actively carved her path and manifested new things while he trailed behind, reaping the fruits of her labor without ever being satiated. Their relationship hurdle could have been surmounted with a shared vision, but there was a lack of alignment. Despite her hopes for him to “change,” he held a differing vision.

Building a good life involves finding a reliable teammate, exercising willpower, and manifesting desires. But, when navigating life with another person, having a shared vision is vital.

Partners don’t need to be identical or like the same things, but aspiring toward a similar ideal is essential – even with differing opinions on how to get there. By sharing a common objective, it becomes possible to build a collaborative future. A shared vision is the cornerstone of a thriving partnership, surpassing the significance of money, possessions, and even common interests.

Committing to someone requires understanding the direction in which they’re headed. If it diverges from your own, one of two outcomes may follow: parting ways or sacrificing dreams to follow another’s path. Neither option is preferable to finding someone that’s already headed in the same direction as you.